The Bledsoe twins, Ivy and Iris, were day nurses.
They married Lyman and LeFaye Freeman, who were brothers but not twins, at a double wedding.
Coming out the druggist’s, Kirby snapped his ankle.
Birdlegs Biddle diagrammed sentences on the overhead (subject, verb, predicate)
modifiers rooted in like moles below the baseline.
We had a sweet-hearted carpenter named Hubert.
Ed ruled the Texaco, the South Y one, with an iron fist – though beneath the paper towel
wiping down our windshield, while the gas flowed in, his palm was baby’s butt pink.
Both big churches employed Troy Downer as Head Janitor.
Alton Beason and Bull Bowers presided over barbershops.
One morning, the Meadow Gold milkman, a balding gent named Ernest, saved our duck from
drowning in the kitchen sink.
There was an Erskine who did the title work for Probate Judge Pat Tate.
Fletcher was the forest ranger.
Corky came over and sprayed the centipedes ransacking our basement.
After another seizure, Missy just flat passed out.
The flower shop was operated by Pauline Floyd.
Ruby penned the gossip column.
Piano lessons were Ann Elzey’s bread and butter.
Everyday, Roenna battled a pen full of first graders.
Bea White the thirds.
The mayor was a mortician named Hoyt.
There was R.L., the king of dips in the weight-room, as well as O.H., H.C., T.B., and N.Z.
Beep and Toot, the crew-cut Hess brothers.
And Ag-Head Brown, whom I never met, was the center on my dad’s junior-high basketball
The boys called one of the substitute teachers Jelly-Belly.
Just call me Dave boys was the typical calm reply.
Some highway department guy told me his boss was the implacable Pickle.
Ellis coached the Wildcats.
Defensive coordinator and key assistant: Quentin.
Smut got caught stealing burger patties from the Curb Market’s walk-in freezer.
Benjy got his act together and became a lawyer, shocked us all.
After the tornado tore through, Jerry Senior, sold dry ice door to door.
Haskel flipped records.
His brother Wayland coughed blood one day scrubbing pans at the bakery.
Mr. John Greene Chambers cut the tires on an automobile one night in June, his own
automobile: go figure.
Ventris had more freckles than a trout’s belly.
While cleaning his shotgun, John Paul blew out his parents’ living room bay window.
Janice was caught urinating in the neighbor’s henhouse.
Every Wednesday evening, Cornelia went down to lead the choir practice.
Dermot ran the bank.
Chip’s father most surely had a name, but I never knew it.
Arizona dropped her baby girl in the fireplace in 1943 and that was the end of that.
Gladys revealed her gall bladder scar to Judge Dickey.
Caspar headed the garbage detail.
People swore by Wyatt’s powers as a dowser.
Madge survived her son’s death at the hands of her husband, his own father no less.
Late one summer night, Marly scraped up some venison hash – hoping to ambush a
Estelle received a phone call from Peru.
Birch headed up Cliff Dingler’s small-motor outfit.
Burma was a doctor who never doctored a day in her life.
Reese sold Fords.
Ida manufactured tube-socks.
After completing the 8th grade, Queen Ester moved to Memphis where she died of Sickle
Cell Anemia at the age of twenty-two.
There was a lady named Bill.
Another named Clyde.
A tarantula of a man – six foot, nine inches – who went by Pearl.
Another Clyde, who was a man, had kidney issues.
The aforementioned Bill blew her brains out one Thursday afternoon as a way to postpone
having another protracted argument with her elder daughter.
Dottie’s fingers throbbed arthritically, even as she kept her grand piano slick with Pledge.
Much to everyone’s relief, Ramona finally decided to marry Moose.
Mrytle retired after 58 years of keeping at it.
Lovelace bounced back from twice getting the axe.
Clementine was the one girl amongst nine siblings.
Skinny Parker was, in point of fact, skinny.
Butterball was fat.
Scarlet most certainly possessed a wilderness of red hair.
Lib was a Democrat; the kind they call a yellow-dog.
Candy’s sweet tooth was infamous.
And Daisy operated a dairy.
On the other hand, Hy was nothing short of an asshole.
And Boo accepted the Miss Congeniality honor at five separate beauty pageants.
Aunt Lizzie lay in bed, a brain tumor protruding from the plate of her forehead the size of a
Wanda Wampler drove her car into the canyon.
Clete suffered a massive stroke.
Most people said Granny Dollar died of meanness.
Archie of heatbreak.
Elvie MacCracken had the gall to die, what with four kids barely out of their swaddling
Orson ate rat poison.
Tallulah just plain ate – a lot.
Rafer kept a still, until it blew up and blew both his arms off with it, killing him.
The Governor’s office murdered Lurleen.
Millicent started talking to the painting in the living room of Curtis, her long-dead cat, and it
was all and quickly downhill from there.
Lung cancer caught up to Clayton.
Cirrhosis to Emma.
Gordie Goldthreat, while changing out an oil filter, was mashed to death by one of the
Firestone radial tires rolling beneath the heft of his Galaxy 500.
The neighbor’s discovered Beanie’s corpse.
Blanche Bear slipped on ice.
Darnell Albright spent three years at Bryce and the gossip was she guzzled down a can of
Liquid Drano while convalescing with her son’s family in Cairo, Illinois.
Truth was she died in her sleep.
Had Lucian, her reclusive son, become aware of the Drano rumor, he probably wouldn’t
have uttered a word.
In 2009, the swine flu carried him off to glory.
Sparkle Greene just wasted away.